probabilityfields

By way of ingenious marketing and adroit opportunism Myspace.com has quickly become the coolest fucking thing ever. I’m on it, and so are 67 people who are contractually bound to call me “friend.” From time to time I enjoy browsing through my “friends’” profiles, looking at their pictures and reading their hilariously clever “About Me” sections that often contain links to entertaining YouTube videos that explain nothing about them whatsoever.

More than anything, Myspace.com is a place to prove to everyone that you are the coolest fucking person ever. And the best way to show everyone that you’re cooler than they are is your “Comments” section. Located at the bottom of your profile, the “Comments” section allows your “friends” to announce to the world exactly how they feel about you.

Recently though, I’ve noticed that the “Comments” section is not being used for comments. I’ve looked up the definition of the word, and no where on dictionary.com did it say anything about pictures of Erik Estrada with a funny caption. That is not a comment.

Even more annoying, kids these days are using the “Comments” section to carry on severely disjointed conversations with their “friends.”

“Did you like the movie?” is not a comment.

And neither is “I thought the dream sequence was a bit derivative of Fellini, lol.”

As if you didn’t have IM or seven email addresses already, MySpace has its own messaging system specifically for these kinds of conversations. So why would people want the whole world to see their conversation?

My theory is that its like having a conversation at a party. You want to be seen chatting it up, usually in a closed circle so outsiders can hear, but not participate. Also, it’s a kind of unspoken agreement that two people will help enlarge each other’s list of “comments.” It’s all part of being the coolest fucking person ever. Well, now that you’ve read this I hope you’ll think about how much of an asshole you are before you initiate a conversation in the “Comments” section.