French UFO Files Leave Me Unamused
It must have been around the time of the X Files final episode that the hip train left the station without any UFO buffs on board. Hell, there was once a day when you were nothing if you couldn’t drop a name like “the Cigarette Smoking Man” into a pick-up line. But somewhere along the way increasingly complex paranoid delusions became passé. Let’s face it, once the G-Men packed up their antimatter and left Groom Lake we all should have known there and then that the days of The Lone Gunmen spin-off were numbered.
But this week, in a typically out-of-touch move the French government attempted to inject some much needed UFO buzz into mainstream news by releasing all their files (apparently they don’t call them dossiers) on the subject. If you’re like me, the story sparked a long-forgotten chunk of the imagination; unfortunately, mine must have atrophied, because there doesn’t seem to be anything really exciting in these files. The great majority of the 100,000 cases were explained away as swamp gas or bad quiche, and the still unsolved cases are on par with a bad Fox special, only without the creepy soundtrack and the gripping narration of Jonathan Frakes to hold my attention.
I must admit though that I was a little intrigued by the really cool photo of mysterious purple streaking lights in the sky. But instead of being filled with thoughts of other-worldly wonder, my grown-up mind forced on me a much more plausible, down-to-earth explanation for the otherwise resplendent phenomenon: Prince had obviously played an amazing solo on his uber-phallic guitar and spewed forth a purple plasma that scarred the sky.
DrRetarded wrote:
Let’s not forget that in 1973 Jimmy Carter, while Governor of Georgia, filed a report with the International UFO Bureau in Oklahoma City that he had seen a UFO with his own two eyes.
Four years later, during his presidency, Voyager I spacecraft launched with the message engraved on the side:
“…If an alien civilization intercepts Voyager and can understand these recorded contents, here is our message: We are trying to survive our time so we may live into yours. We hope some day, having solved the problems we face, to join a community of galactic civilizations…
—Jimmy Carter”
I think the meaning of all this is clear: Jimmy Carter is our key to interplanetary domination. Either that or he is French — in which case he is the opposite of what I just said.
Posted on 27-Mar-07 at 3:44 am | Permalink
Mofty Uppers wrote:
Please! This whole disclosure by the French is just one more bit of disinformation aimed at concealing an awful truth: all around us, a New World Order is being established by the Reptilians and their robotic slaves.
I saw this in a dream years ago, and rest assured, it is no laughing matter. They have already enchained the minds of world leaders, most especially French politicians like Chirac, Segolene, and Sarkozy, with a combination of DMT and grapefruit juice- a potent poison, indeed.
Please, I beg of you, refrain from levity in this matter: the grapefruit juice lobby is a powerful, brutal force. It is important, nay, essential that the message get out before we become one of them. Thank you.
Posted on 27-Mar-07 at 6:42 pm | Permalink
tim wrote:
So perhaps the bunny that attacked Jimmy Carter was actually an interplanetary being, trying to make contact after getting Jimmy’s inter-galactic “e-vite”.
http://www.newsoftheodd.com/article1021.html
I want to believe!
Posted on 28-Mar-07 at 5:26 pm | Permalink