probabilityfields

During my two hours of “break time” at work the other day I found this article that says that swearing in the workplace builds morale and solidarity. Inspired, I wrote this cold opening for The Office. Enjoy!

COLD OPENING

INT. RECEPTION AREA - DAY

PAM is on the phone with a client. The sound of shuffling papers, typing, and phone conversations fills the office. MICHAEL enters.

MICHAEL
(”Good morning!”)
What the fuck is going on, you bunch of assholes?

Pam is shocked.

JIM looks at the camera.

Even DWIGHT’s eyes are wide.

ANGELA puts her hands over her ears and gasps.

PAM
(to client)
I’m sorry, can I call you back?

JIM TALKING HEAD

JIM
Last week everyone was talking about this article on the
internet about a study saying that swearing boosts morale
and solidarity in the workplace. So I immediately
forwarded it Michael.

JIM fakes a cringe: “Whoops.”

INT. RECEPTION AREA - DAY

Michael smiles, holding up his arms. He finishes with…

MICHAEL
Eh, go fuck yourselves.

…and walks into his office.

END COLD OPENING